Survival Mode

"I always believed in futures...I hope for better in November."

So occasionally when I'm bored at the Internet cafe I browse my other PC buddies blogs, some of which are linked on the right. I think this entry by my friend Cessie so perfectly describes what being here can be like that I wanted to link it directly: http://cessieintanzania.wordpress.com/2009/11/08/homesick/
So yeah, I totally empathize with what she's talking about there. I think many things in this country come down to the problem of "Survival Mode." Most Tanzanians, definitely most of my villagers, are so poor that each day is a struggle for survival...getting water, putting food on the table and keeping a roof (and often not a very good one) over their heads are difficult enough tasks that they consume everyone's time, energy, and thinking. Lack of electricity, water, good roads and all that make everyday tasks take up much more time than they do in the western world. So basically, very few Tanzanians are ever encouraged to have goals, plans, dreams for the future. Most of them don't think further ahead than the next day. And who can blame them, because the life expectancy is so short here, and every day they do more hard work than most Americans just to SURVIVE. But how do you get people to realize the importance of making plans and having dreams? Ni shida kubwa (It's a big problem.)

On the other hand, I have realized I have also been living in a kind of "Survival Mode" since getting to site. Not in the same way as Tanzanians because my life is definitely not as hard as theirs since I have enough money to live decently here and don't have to do hard physical labor on a farm all day. But these first few months at site I have been focused mostly on just survival. Mainly this is a mental thing. I got used to no electricity and bucket baths during training, and I can deal with the bugs and I like cooking for myself. But being the only outsider in a tiny village and trying to fit in with a completely different culture, make friends in a new language, trying to make people understand what I'm even doing there, trying to decide for myself what I'm going to do there, and at the same time dealing with homesickness and loneliness has been what is hard to survive. Some days in my village I've wanted to go home so much I don't think I can deal with it anymore. And some days in my village are great. Most are in between. But for the last few months I have been basically just trying to get through the days and make the time pass...whether that means I have a productive day or whether I need a day where I just read a book and make myself some brownies and ignore all the kids at my door. And of course there have been many "mental health" excursions to town. Basically, I've been getting through it. But I think that I'm finally coming to the point where I'm sick of survival mode. When I think about the big picture and get myself out of the day-to-day mindset I realize that being here is pretty awesome. Of course it's challenging, but two years in perspective is not a long time. And I get to spend it in a beautiful country, speaking a language hardly anyone in the west ever learns, and being welcomed with open arms into a village of amazing people who will appreciate anything I can do so much. So it's time to give myself an attitude adjustment and start seeing the positives more. I'm in freakin' Tanzania, in Peace Corps, getting opportunities to do so much amazing work and see the world. It's pretty amazing. So from now on it's time to get down to business, get my projects started, get out of my house and start enjoying every day, whether I'm in my village or not.

Dada Carrie Had a Farm...

Whew, it’s HOT! It is getting to be that time of the year when I guess I am going to sit in my house sweating no matter how physically inactive I am. And to think that back home it is probably nice and cool and fall-like, even cold by now perhaps! Don’t take it for granted people! I’m sweating enough for all of us over here!
So let’s see, what has happened since my last update? Well, I got TONS of packages I had been waiting for all w/in 2 days and it was just like Christmas! I now know that I’ll never starve no matter how broke I get because I can always live on granola bars. And Hershey Kisses arrived intact so send that chocolate people! Just make sure you put anything open-able inside Ziplocs because magazines soaked in exploded shampoo or iced tea powder are stickier to read. Seriously though, you should have seen Keith and I after we went to the PO and both got packages. We were SO happy we just ran to the bar at 9:30am to bask in the glory of People magazines and Crystal Lite powder (I have been much better hydrated now that my water doesn’t taste like mud). So THANK YOU Mom and Aunt Dawn!
Other news- I finally got all the bat holes in my house sealed up and my choo doors fixed (hoping the junk will be out by the end of November), my boss visited my site and met all my people, I barely saved Sloopy from drowning in my water drum, and I survived my first bout of some horrible sickness/may’ve been giardia. On Halloween, conveniently. So that was a great holiday.
On the work front, I finished writing the 1st draft of my VSA and am working on the presentation of it for IST. Keith and I are planning an event to have at my market day on Dec. 1 since that’s World AIDS Day. That will be our first big project. Also translating penpal letters, studying Swahili, getting a teaching schedule set up for next year. I also started some vegetable seeds inside although I think my garden is going to be a miserable failure; I’m too much of a city girl. So basically everything is in the planning stage still but I’ve at least decided a lot of what I’m going to try. Still looking for people to sponsor kids’ school fees (let me know if you wanna) and hopefully early next year I will have some other projects you can contribute to. Also found out none of the potential sites for new education volunteers in our district were ready so it will be just me and Keith still until at least next August! Woo, rockin’ it w/ no other friends!!!! And also, my villagers are trying to convince me to get a goat for some reason. I’m trying to resist, but part of me is like, “When else in life will I be able to say I have a goat?” So I’ll let you know if that ever happens.
All that and I’ve still had plenty of time for evening runs, cooking/baking sprees, and reading voraciously. Next week I’m going to bust out my camera and try to make a little video either for my VSA presentation or just for facebook to show people my new ‘hood. No promises how soon it will be done though.
So overall life is good. If you read this leave me a comment at least, or better yet email me! I miss my friends and I want to know what you’re up to!